Dear Therapist

Thank you

It is my hope that everyone has the experience of a good therapist to process life with. Finally finding one for myself is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

Dear Therapist,

What you have done for me is above and beyond anything I hoped for

You helped me realize healing is possible

and at the same time, I am not broken.

You were the lens that enabled me see myself —clearly

You didn’t teach me

you guided me

to be my own teacher

I came to you in shambles

–a shadow of my former self

unsure of who I was outside of the roles that I play

I was a sketch of the person I wanted to become

together, we filled in blank spaces motherhood,

marriage, and caregiving drained from me

You shared paint through your insight

so I could color in the details

What do I want?

You helped me remember

I am not just here to give

I deserve to receive

to be seen fully and heard

I deserve to be poured into

just as I pour out to those I love

You reminded me

—to first pour into myself

You gave me a permission-slip

—to take myself on me-dates

which turned into me-cations

time to focus on what makes me feel good

without distraction from the needs of others

You see me for exactly who I am

I am not too much

Anyone who makes me feel that

is not in alignment with my level of depth

Everyone is not designed to hold a heart like mine

That doesn’t make them wrong

Maybe, they’re just not right for me

I was a bird with broken wings

You helped me find my strength

When I was stronger

I was able to say

—goodbye for now

It’s time for me to dig deeper into myself

not by talking and analyzing

but by looking deeply within,

determining where I want to go next

You brought me through to where

I could walk alone in confidence

through my healing journey

using the tools of discovery and curiosity we used together

I started to fly

even through fear and anxiety

On the pages of my journals, essays, and writing my memoir

I looked in depth at what made me who I am

What decisions and turning points propelled me forward?

What battles did I fight that pushed me backward?

Where do I need to let go

—to make room for me

—to find who I am

Who do I want to become?

What do I want my life to look like?

What’s important to me now?

What makes me breathe deeply and exhale?

I have the tools etched in my memory

I have the questions to continue to ask myself

as I move through my becoming

Letting go has never been easy for me

The people I love

—the ones who have touched and changed my life

live my heart always

even when they no longer walk beside me

Maybe you’re not supposed to love your therapist

I do

I will always carry you with me

Recently:

I’ve been in the process of saying goodbye to my therapist of 11 years. Not because I want to, but because she is taking a leave of absence.

We have taken breaks over the years, during the times where I pushed myself to walk alone, and open myself up to make changes instead of talking about them.

I was so proud of myself -to say goodbye for now. I was stronger.

Years later, I came back to her in more of a maintenance capacity, when life started lifing, and I found myself spiraling. I learned that healing isn’t permanent or linear.

I’m at a crossroads now, where some of my deepest connections are tenuous. So, it’s an odd time to have to say goodbye.

However, I know now that I am up for the challenge. I will find another therapist, with a new perspective, or maybe I will make room for the kind of friendship and community that I want more of in my life.

Sometimes, letting go means making room.

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