Sometimes We Forget Who TF We are

Affirmations and Truths

I’m talking directly to Black women right now. All of us. Because I know we are tired. I know we saw all this shit coming. I know we been working twice as hard, for twice as long, on twice as many things. We getting degrees, we getting therapy, we starting businesses. We are keeping our balance, and still raising our families, and starting movements. And “they” are reducing our rights, enacting multiple genocides, and starting fucking podcasts. It’s always “Listen to Black women” when the truth comes out, but never when we bring up that truth in the first place.

And yet, everything Black women say is scripture.

Bethany Nicole

Bethany’s writing inspires me

Over the past three days, I've been trying to write an essay. At one point it was twenty-three-hundred words. I took words out, added more, subtracted and added again. The more I wrote, the more inauthentic it felt because I was avoiding some hard truths. Some of those truths are not ready to be told in this forum. The words have been preserved for another day. A day where my head is clear and I can see clearly.

Writing Life

Phenomenal things are happening in my writing world these days. While the rest of the world is a dumpster fire, writing is my anchor. I meet writers here on Substack and in various writers' groups. Writers have the energy I need to connect with in my life in these heavy times. I am collaborating with kind-hearted artists who remind me of who I am and what I deserve. It's not by chance that we connect in this space in time. Divine guidance places me where I need to be with voices I need to hear.

Fellow writers read my work and make me feel seen in ways that I have not for a long time, and it feels so damn good. I give that love and honor back with words of encouragement, commenting, and sharing generously. Sometimes, all I have to give is a little heart.

Writers, I want you to know you are seen, heard, and appreciated. I break down with tears almost every day because my heart is in such a tender place right now. Thank you for your words.

Me & P, one of my few Texas Friends -She saves me

“Friends -How Many of us Have them?”

Last night, two colleagues from thirty years ago (yes, I'm that old) contacted me out of the blue. These friends I used to work with in my early days as a Real Estate Agent in L.A. We were all so young, hopeful, and broke back then, but we supported each other and laughed through the pain together. 

These two fellas, Kelvin and Richard, happened to meet up in Malaysia, of all places. They were both on vacation at the same time, which is wild because one of them is still living in L.A., while the other lives in Costa Rica. When they were together, they thought of me, Little ole' me! They both reached out to me via Facebook Messenger. 

Their outreach reminded me of a time when I was a different person, before marriage, before children and heavy responsibilities. I was just a fun-loving girl who worked hard and loved to have a good time. I had friends! A lot of friends! I had someone to have lunch or brunch with every day of the week. Damn! I miss that girl. But they reminded me that she is still here.

I was closest to Kelvin. He was my male friend when I didn't have a boyfriend, and he didn't have a girlfriend. He was alone in L.A., without family. If he was alone on a holiday, I invited him to our family gatherings. We would hit up comedy clubs and concerts together. He was the first and last person who took me to an authentic Indian restaurant. I can still smell the curry. 

Our colleagues would tease, "Sure, you guys are just friends."  They said that because if I was out drinking, I would crash Kelvin's apartment in L.A. The truth is I crashed at many of my friends' places if we were out together. I was living in Studio City and didn't want to drive over the hill to the valley after drinking. My office, my family, and a lot of my friends lived in the city. 

Honestly, it was just a good time—uncomplicated, single, and free. Kelvin was this kind of friend to Richard too, which is why all these years later, they are hanging out together on the other side of the world.

The fact that they reached out to me made me remember that I am a positive soul who has touched the lives of a myriad of authentic humans. I have loved, and I am loved. People who have been my friends never forget me, no matter how many years pass. 

Sometimes, in my isolated life here in Texas, I forget who I really am. I am a California girl at heart. I was raised on those beaches up and down the Pacific Coast. I ran those L.A. streets in the days of my youth and early twenties.

I have been this mother, manager of lives in my family, a caregiver to my mother, and a wife to my husband. As women, especially black women, we hold things down with minimal thanks or appreciation. People who need you will make you feel like you're never doing enough for them when, in actuality, you're doing too much. The people in our day-to-day lives can get so comfortable with our roles that they take it for granted and don't make the effort to make you feel seen or appreciated.

That's what friends do for me, old and new. They choose me over and over again without any expectation of what I give them in return. I am enough. My friends are across many miles. They seek me out. When I go home to L.A., they make time for me, even when I don’t tell them I'm in town at the last minute.

These words came to me today to remind me of who tf I am!

What a sister needs right now is some love and affirmation. Sometimes, you are the only one you can depend on to meet your needs.

When I put pen to paper in my journal, the most loving voice comes from my heart. When your tender heart needs some loving kindness, I pray that you find it on the pages of your journal.

I hope that one of these affirmations touches you in the way that you need to be touched:

Affirmations and Truths

I am wise. 

I am kind.  

I am generous with love and encouragement to everyone I meet. 

I am loved. 

People are attracted to my energy. 

I am unforgettable.

My spirit is peaceful and calming. 

I will not allow negative energy to outweigh my positive. 

I pray that God will make me like teflon, so the negative can not cling to me.

Anyone who does not love and honor me, does not deserve me. 

Anyone who doesn't see my heart and value it, does not deserve my energy. 

Love radiates from me. 

My spirit loves and is lovable. 

I don't know what the future brings to this dumpster fire of a world, but I know that there are still good people in it. 

I will find them and they will find me. 

I will find people who read for themselves and are not influenced by empty rhetoric. 

I will connect with writers who write to save themselves and to save me —who hold me through their words. 

If you are resolved to keep climbing into darkness, I can't force you to see the light, but you will not find me in the there.

I am a blessing to many.  If you can't see that, you need to have your eyes checked. 

I have weaknesses. 

I have strengths. 

I don't know everything, but I am curious and open to learn.

I am a work of art in progress. 

I am a seeker. 

I am not alone on this journey. 

Love and God are riding with me. 

I am thirsty for peace. May my thirst be quenched.

Life will never be perfect, but I believe it will be better. 

photo credit: https://bio.site/photosbybirch -Community Weekend Retreat with @AlexElle 7/23

Community Keeping Me Grounded:

I write every day now thanks to my involvement in several writing communities. I am so proud of me!

Writing doesn’t have to be a lonely endeavor. Community helps keep your writing commitment strong.

Last year, I joined A Writing Room collective after virtually attending their annual retreat. Their writing retreat was a catalyst for me taking writing more seriously. A Writing Room offers ongoing courses on various aspects of writing, and silent sessions nearly everyday at various times. We have members of the collective around the world who meet together on Zoom to work side by side on our craft. We write for an hour, and there is usually a brief sharing session afterwards.

They are having another retreat, "Writers Rising 2024" in Los Angeles coming up in October, 2024. I will be there in person this time.

This summer I am also taking Creative Courage a three month writing intensive facilitated by Writing Coach

GG Renee Hill

. GG facilitates monthly writing sessions and story work exercises for her paid subscribers. She has several offerings throughout each month to help writers find a fuller expression of themselves.

A few months ago, I joined

Locked In

, a private BIPOC group of writers from around who connected here on Substack. As of now, their silent writing sessions at 9 a.m. ET. That’s 8 a.m. for me, CT. A sista be struggling to get up and think that early. In the future they will offer additional silent writing sessions at different times. They also highlight a certain number of writers from the group in their monthly newsletter.

Most recently, I have become a part of

BlackStack

, another private group of black writers here on Substack. I am so happy to be a part of something exclusively black F.U.B.U. Living in a majority white suburb of Texas, I am often the only black person in certain spaces. You have to be a black, paid subscriber to read the content in the BlackStack community. I’ll give you a hint …it’s like being in a black church on Sunday mornings, only with a lot more honesty.

It is so worth becoming a paid subscriber! This is one of the most supportive writing communities I have ever been involved in. I am one of their Assistant Admins and will be facilitating some of their Read and Write-In Sessions as the community continues to grow.

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I appreciate you for being here to read my words and support my work. My post are mostly free because I want more eyes to have access to read. However, I am writing to earn a living to create independence for myself. As a mother who has worked for “free” for so many years. I missed out on many years to pay into my own retirement fund so paid subscribers are especially appreciated.

It feels validating when you comment, share, and follow and subscribe.

Thank you!

If you are so moved, you can always make a one time donation here: Buy me a glass of wine.