Me Date

A Reminder to Choose Yourself

As a highly sensitive woman, I’ve been feeling some kind of way lately. (And by lately, I mean the last ten years.)

I’m 61-years-young, a writer, and empath. I spend a lot of time inside my head thinking about my life choices. The music gets too loud after a while.

Here are some of the questions I’ve been asking myself, and I’m not going to lie, some of these questions are inspired by one of my spiritual mentors, Alex Elle. This week I did her 7 Day Challenge on Insight Timer.

Alex’s new book, The Company We Keep *(not an affiliate link) comes out next week. I have pre-ordered it of course! I am so looking forward to it. Damn that woman makes me think! Even more!

You may find these to be good journaling prompts for your own healing:

• How did I get here? (And who are these people?)

• Where does my soul want to be?

• What do I want to feel more of —less of?

• What can I do to make my life look the way I want it to?

• With whom do I want to spend more time?

• Who and what is no longer aligned with the life I want?

• What calms me, and what sets my nervous system on fire?

• What am I afraid to say out loud?

• What do I fear to be true right now?

• What compassion can I offer myself?

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I’ve been writing myself to death, and beating myself up because of feelings of inadequacy around not having published my book yet. I know, I have at least three books in me and so much wisdom to share. In the right timing, they will enter the world.

Sometimes, I allow my failures to speak louder than my successes. I raised three whole humans who were NOT easy! Two of them are thriving. One of them is struggling. There are plenty of moments when I allow my son’s struggles life and choices, to overpower everything else I’ve done.

And then there’s my marriage…

We are in a liminal space, and have been for quite some time. It’s a cloud hanging over me where I want there to be sun. It’s complicated. There are so many factors that can affect a relationship. At the same time, if there’s anything I’ve learned in 32 years of marriage, it takes effort from two people. And, we will not always be in sync.

I do have to ask myself, when is it time to call the ball? What is the healthiest choice for us? Ugh! Just writing that out loud, makes my stomach quiver.

My husband invited me to go up to Dallas for our grandson’s t-ball games on Saturday. I wanted to see my grandson, of course. I knew there would be at least one dinner out with my son and his family. I enjoy their company so much. Watching my eldest son mature into his marriage, fatherhood and his career makes me feel like I have done something good with my life. In fact, damn good! Great! Fantastic!

Did I tell y’all my eldest just got his Master’s degree and has some new, big career plans? (which I am not at liberty to talk about.)

I know I told y’all my youngest son just received his Associates Degree, this week and is going to finish his Bachelor’s degree this fall! You can read about it here:

He's Graduating

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If I went to Dallas with my husband, I could also go see my best friend from childhood for lunch, dinner or at least a cocktail. I always feel so spiritually fed by my time with her.

And yet, the vibe has been strained between me and my husband lately. He’s going through some things. At times, it feels like I’m married to a man who is a ghost of his former self. I didn’t feel like going was the best choice for me.

More than the need to have a weekend with the family in Dallas, I needed some time and space to just be with me, within the safety of my own energy.

As a highly sensitive woman, I feel other people’s energy deeply. Even if what they’re going through is’ not directly about me, it feels like it is. Can you feel me on that?

Raising my highly emotional, autistic sons has worn through my last nerve. It’s dangling by a thread. I have to save myself and do what’s best for me. Otherwise, they will be burying me first!

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Yesterday, I read an article by Dr. April about highly sensitive women.

I felt so seen, witnessed, understood, and less alone. In my opinion, that is the best goal a writer can have. I wanted to ask her, “Can you PLEASE start a support group for black highly sensitive women? I need to be with my people!”

If You’re a Sensitive Woman, This Is Why Money Feels Harder Than It Should: Part I

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Time Alone:

In my time alone over the weekend, I watched the rest of the season 4 of “Bridgerton” until 2:30 a.m. on Friday night. OMG! It was so hot! I thought I was over romance. Apparently, I am not! I was breathless, crying, and emotional. It was also the romance of the queen and her friend, Lady Danbury. The love between the two of them was palpable!

Having stayed up so late, I slept until 10 a.m. on Saturday. I enjoyed a slow morning, and then, I took myself on an artist date. Here’s a little reel with the highlights:

I’ve been forgetting to do that.

What is wrong with me?

Have I forgotten what good company I am?

I dillydallied around town.

There was no one around to rush me or look at me crazy, because I was meandering without purpose or schedule.

There were absolutely no disagreements.

I ended the day at one of my favorite restaurants.

(Somebody forgot to take me there for my birthday, so I took myself. It was cheaper! Just an appetizer and a glass of wine.)

The bartender brought me a complimentary miniature dessert and topped off my wine to finish off the evening!

It was perfect!

If you’ve been forgetting to take yourself out on dates, let this be your reminder.

Thank you so much for being here and reading my words. I hope that you feel seen, heard, and less alone in the world.

In Dr. April’s post yesterday, she talked about how highly sensitive women, like me, typically take on careers in the caring field, which doesn’t reward our work properly.

I have been a full-time mother, caregiver to my mother, wife (supporting my husband’s career), a blogger, support group creator, a speaker, and a writer. Money was never a deciding factor in my choices. At least I know now, I understand the reasons I have selected less than lucrative careers! Nevertheless, I don’t highly recommend my route! Now that I’m facing retirement, I’m seriously giving myself the side-eye.

I hope to self-publish my first book within the next few months.

Meanwhile, if you would like to support and fuel my work, you can do so here:

You can also support by sharing this someone who may needs these words here or on your social media.

You may support by just leaving me a comment!