This is so real and raw. Thank you for sharing. I had to deal with a sibling with bipolar disorder, for years before a diagnosis. Growing up was like walking on eggshells but my mother pampered him. He will be 52 soon and he is still a child, who is never at fault. And my mother still enables him.
I mention all this to say that setting hard boundaries with him is necessary, and you are doing right by him by settling them. You do not deserve to be spoken to that way. Yes, some of it may be his disability. But you still deserve better. 💛💛💛
Some people have to learn the hard way, but they still learn. You are doing the right things.
It’s a tough call. But because I have two on the spectrum, and I take care of my mother, it was either boundaries or die.
I understand how your mother feels. She won’t be here forever. That’s something to consider. Feel free to send her this post, if you think it will help.
Your piece touched my soul. It reflects what I've been enduring for thirty years. My son is now forty living at home, in the garage studio we built out for him. Years of alcohol, drugs, jail, homelessness, have drained me in ways I'd not thought possible. It's not over and I have accepted that it will end only when one of us passes on. My husband and I are loving him by not trying to change him anymore. Doesn't work. Like you, we tried everything when he was young but he chose another path.
We love him but we don't like him most of the time. Thank you for sharing and stay strong.
Ooh! I feel you. My husband and I are not really on the same page, which makes this harder. I love him deeply, and same, he’s hard to like most of the time.
I’ve been in this turmoil lately too. I wake in the middle of the night often worried spinning out trying to figure out a new way to approach my mostly silent son. Thank you for sharing as it’s inspiring me to share too.
Whew, Karen. I am always in awe of how vulnerably and transparently you write about your relationship with and feelings towards your son. It isn't easy, and you're writing your way through it while letting us in as well. I hope that one day in the near future, this isn't your story.
This reminds me of the book title , Your Blues Ain't Like Mine, by Bebe Moore Campbell -because it is so true, your love ain't like mine, my blues ain't like yours, but we can still relate! Thanks for this
Thank you. I was enthralled by her book, 72 hour Hold about the shortcomings of the mental health system, and parents desperation to help their young adults with mental illnesses. I read it years ago. I’ll never forget it.
I would love to collaborate on something with you. I haven’t read very much fiction in recent years. I don’t know a lot about BB. I don’t remember “Her Blues,” but I’m sure I read it. I do remember the themes in 72 hour hold and it was based on her experiences with her daughter and how f*#%ed up our mental health system is. I know her daughter got hooked on drugs, she was an actress , I know BB did some advocacy in the mental health community.
I want to share how devastatingly beautiful this is—beautiful because this post is all about love. Pure love. The kind of love, really, that only parents who are privileged to have children with special needs truly understand the depths of.
This was a vulnerable piece, Karen. It had an impact on me. Thank you.
Wow Karen, thank you for being so vulnerable and raw. I’m sending you some love and hugs. I know as a mom this is hard but I pray you find peace in knowing that despite the walls you put up they are in the name of love. Giving it to God is sometimes all we can do. Also your note from your younger son, hold on to those words because it’s true.
I know in my heart you are a good mom. Setting those boundaries is crucial, as is some therapy or support group. These issues run through my family from generation to generation and the pain, turmoil, and misplaced blame is hurtful. I’ll be thinking of you and how brave you are.
This is so real and raw. Thank you for sharing. I had to deal with a sibling with bipolar disorder, for years before a diagnosis. Growing up was like walking on eggshells but my mother pampered him. He will be 52 soon and he is still a child, who is never at fault. And my mother still enables him.
I mention all this to say that setting hard boundaries with him is necessary, and you are doing right by him by settling them. You do not deserve to be spoken to that way. Yes, some of it may be his disability. But you still deserve better. 💛💛💛
Some people have to learn the hard way, but they still learn. You are doing the right things.
It’s a tough call. But because I have two on the spectrum, and I take care of my mother, it was either boundaries or die.
I understand how your mother feels. She won’t be here forever. That’s something to consider. Feel free to send her this post, if you think it will help.
Your piece touched my soul. It reflects what I've been enduring for thirty years. My son is now forty living at home, in the garage studio we built out for him. Years of alcohol, drugs, jail, homelessness, have drained me in ways I'd not thought possible. It's not over and I have accepted that it will end only when one of us passes on. My husband and I are loving him by not trying to change him anymore. Doesn't work. Like you, we tried everything when he was young but he chose another path.
We love him but we don't like him most of the time. Thank you for sharing and stay strong.
I hope you get in some time for self-care and moments of peace.
Ooh! I feel you. My husband and I are not really on the same page, which makes this harder. I love him deeply, and same, he’s hard to like most of the time.
I’ve been in this turmoil lately too. I wake in the middle of the night often worried spinning out trying to figure out a new way to approach my mostly silent son. Thank you for sharing as it’s inspiring me to share too.
Love you friend.
you’re not alone. Thank you for putting these things into words. I am hoping and praying for the best with my son too. 💕
Thank you. Sometimes, it feels very lonely. Wishing you the best with your son.
Sending love Karen. From my mom heart to yours.
Thank you Wendy ♥️
It can indeed be tough for parents with children who are suffering from challenging or limiting mental health disorders.
Really sorry that you're going through such emotional hardship, Karen.
Thank you. I work really hard at finding happiness within myself.
God bless you Karen! Stay in your power!! Unconditional love is challenging; even with our children!! 🙏🏼💜🕯️
Thank you ❤️
You sound like an amazing mom, and your post touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾
Thank you. I just peeked through your Substack. I will go back and read more.
Consider joining @lockedin a writing group for biopic writers. They have a write-in session tomorrow morning. I will send you a link. 🔗
Whew, Karen. I am always in awe of how vulnerably and transparently you write about your relationship with and feelings towards your son. It isn't easy, and you're writing your way through it while letting us in as well. I hope that one day in the near future, this isn't your story.
Thank you. This week it is slightly better. Mostly because my boundaries are stronger than ever. I give myself space. ♥️
So raw. Vulnerability as such is the only way to heal🤎
Thank you ♥️
Me and my son. And my (step)daughter. Heartbreaking. Wise. Beautiful. Insightful. THANKS YOU!
This is my favorite comment yet. This is why I live and write.
This is why I . . . do anything, I hope: to bring a photon or two of light to another person. (Even if I mistakenly add an “s” to “thank”!)
I love it! 🤗
This reminds me of the book title , Your Blues Ain't Like Mine, by Bebe Moore Campbell -because it is so true, your love ain't like mine, my blues ain't like yours, but we can still relate! Thanks for this
Thank you. I was enthralled by her book, 72 hour Hold about the shortcomings of the mental health system, and parents desperation to help their young adults with mental illnesses. I read it years ago. I’ll never forget it.
That is a very good book, but I am biased - I like all of her books - and we should do a collaboration on her. Thoughts? I would love that!
I would love to collaborate on something with you. I haven’t read very much fiction in recent years. I don’t know a lot about BB. I don’t remember “Her Blues,” but I’m sure I read it. I do remember the themes in 72 hour hold and it was based on her experiences with her daughter and how f*#%ed up our mental health system is. I know her daughter got hooked on drugs, she was an actress , I know BB did some advocacy in the mental health community.
DM me if you want to discuss.
I want to share how devastatingly beautiful this is—beautiful because this post is all about love. Pure love. The kind of love, really, that only parents who are privileged to have children with special needs truly understand the depths of.
This was a vulnerable piece, Karen. It had an impact on me. Thank you.
Wow Karen, thank you for being so vulnerable and raw. I’m sending you some love and hugs. I know as a mom this is hard but I pray you find peace in knowing that despite the walls you put up they are in the name of love. Giving it to God is sometimes all we can do. Also your note from your younger son, hold on to those words because it’s true.
Thank you Kristian ♥️ I appreciate your kind words. 🙏🏽
sending love and healing to you and your son...💕💕
Thank you 🙏🏽
I know in my heart you are a good mom. Setting those boundaries is crucial, as is some therapy or support group. These issues run through my family from generation to generation and the pain, turmoil, and misplaced blame is hurtful. I’ll be thinking of you and how brave you are.
Thank you so much ♥️